Darkness Into Light
-Darkness Into Light-
"CLING, CLANG, CLING, CLANG."
The correctional officer outside my cell fumbles with his massive set of metal keys.
"SWOOSH."
My heavy beige-colored prison door aggressively swings open and I see the intimidating silhouette of a large correctional officer standing at the entrance of my now open cell.
"CLICK."
The blinding bright light from the guard's government-issued flashlight hits my waking eyes and disorients me in the pitch-black prison cell.
"WHAM!!!"
The correctional officer slams the heavy beige-colored prison door shut after he counts my body in bed and confirms I'm still breathing.
"CLING, CLANG, CLING, CLANG."
Ugggghhhhh, here comes the second correctional officer to count me and confirm I'm still alive.
"SWOOSH."
Once again, my heavy beige cell door swings wide open and I see the familiar silhouette of a large uniformed man standing 3 feet in front of me.
"CLICK."
The blinding bright beam from the guard’s flashlight strikes my sleepy eyes and causes me to see spots throughout the darkness of my prison cell.
"WHAM!!!"
The second large guard SLAMS my heavy cell door shut and continues counting the remaining convicts that live in the dog hallway with me.
All federal prisoners in the United States are counted at least 5x a day and confirmed to be "alive" after each successful count. Typical mandatory count times around the U.S. are 12am, 3:15am, 5am, 4:15pm, and 9pm.
The 5am mandatory count has become my unwelcome morning alarm. Every single time I hear the "CLING, CLANG" of correctional officer keys, I know it's time to start another painful day in prison.
Before I get out of my ridiculously cold metal bunk bed and start the day, I say a simple prayer that gives me the strength to endure this long and lonely prison journey:
"Lord, whatever choices I face today, please help them be in alignment with your will. God, all I need in life is complete alignment with you. Lord, you are more than enough. I crave absolute alignment with you, Father. Love you Lord. AMEN!!!"
Unfortunately, in my past life I did NOT start each day with this simple prayer. Instead, I allowed the pressurizing business circumstances to pull me WAY OUT of alignment from my Father in heaven. This misalignment eventually led to poor decisions, a federal prison sentence, and incarceration behind barbed wire.
I NOW understand that absolute alignment with my Father in heaven is ALL I will ever need in life. The grueling pain of prison has taught me that GOD'S LOVE AND PRESENCE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME AND MY SOUL.
Please, please, please, DO NOT make the same mistake I did in my past life. No matter how painful or pressurizing your current circumstance feels, seek HIM and soak in HIS unconditional love. It will ALWAYS be enough.
I intentionally write these letters WHILE I'm serving a brutally painful prison sentence. I want my prison journey to prove that God's goodness is NOT circumstantial and is available to all those that seek it. HIS LOVE IS TANGIBLE and available to all of us, regardless of the excruciating pain of the moment.
Look, I'm truly sorry if you are currently in a season of life-altering pain or suffering. HURTING SUCKS!!!
But I promise you — God can turn your current mess into a miracle. I've witnessed these beautiful breakthrough miracles with my own eyes in one of the darkest places on earth. HE is the great healer. God's goodness is undeniable.
Friendly reminder: I'm proclaiming God's goodness while locked inside a high-security federal prison. Currently, I'm thousands of miles away from Noel, Cambria, Willow, Lula, and Zion. The pain of being separated from my family is suffocating and makes my legs weak most days.
However, I take the time to write these letters from INSIDE federal prison to proclaim with ABSOLUTE certainty that God will meet you in the mud. HE will shine the brightest light straight through the darkness that is trying to surround you.
Last night, before our 9pm stand-up count, I was reading my Bible and found the perfect passage that sums up my entire prison journey:
2 Samuel 22:29
"The Lord is my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light."
No matter our current life circumstance, we need to seek absolute alignment with our FATHER IN HEAVEN.
Take it from a guy trapped in federal prison: GOD IS ENOUGH!!! He will never abandon you.
CHOOSE His light and love when your circumstance is trying to squeeze the last bit of joy and hope out of you.
"Thank you Lord Jesus for never abandoning us and loving your sons and daughters unconditionally. Your presence is the greatest gift in life. We love you Lord and give you all the glory. AMEN!!!"
Sincerely,
Brett (A person in pain that feels God's goodness daily)
-A Note From Noél-
The crippling pain I feel being separated from Brett is debilitating most days. It’s the kind of ache that sits in your chest and refuses to move. He is MY PERSON — the one my soul was made to walk life with — and every part of me aches to be reunited with him again.
This STUPID prison journey hurts. It breaks. It drains. And honestly… it feels like it’s stealing pieces of my heart I didn’t even know existed. I cannot wait for this nightmare to be over.
But even in all this pain, God is somehow — unbelievably — turning our family’s mess into a miracle. His goodness is shining right through the middle of all this darkness, and there’s no denying it now.
I watched Brett spiral at his “worst.” I watched the man I love crumble under stress and fear and shame, desperately trying to find a way home. I knew he was drowning long before the world ever saw it.
And now… these letters I receive from federal prison?
They are proof that the man who was once lost is now FOUND.
Jesus met Brett in the deep, dark pit of prison — the place designed to crush people — and instead He breathed LIFE back into him. He didn’t bury Brett in shame. He didn’t condemn him or abandon him. He wrapped my husband in grace and rebuilt him from the inside out. THAT is the God we worship. THAT is the God who fights for us.
When Brett lay on the floor of his prison cell with nothing left, God spoke truth back into his life. God took a broken man with no direction and gave him purpose. Vision. Hope. Something beautiful to build again. Brett’s prison journey is living, breathing proof of God’s goodness.
Brett is surrounded by darkness every single day. The suffering he witnesses and experiences is something none of us could ever fully understand. But somehow, every letter he writes is drenched in gratitude and praise. God is WITH HIM in that cold cell. I see it in every word. Brett has aligned his entire being with Jesus — and because of that, he is experiencing joy in a place built to destroy people.
If that isn’t God… what is?
Our family’s prison journey is proof that God’s goodness is NOT locked behind circumstances. It flows. It moves. It breaks chains in places you would never expect.
Brett and I want every hurting family to know:
When everything feels lost, you are NOT alone.
When the suffering feels suffocating, there is still HOPE.
When shame tries to choke out your future, Jesus steps in and says, “You are MINE.”
We are committed — with everything in us — to sharing these “God stories” IN THE MIDDLE of our suffering, not after. Because we want the enemy to hear it loud and clear:
YOU WILL NOT TAKE OUR FAMILY DOWN. EVER.
The Bartletts may be hurting, but we are also worshipping. Crying, but praising. Breaking, but standing. And all of it is because Jesus holds us together when nothing else can.
“Lord Jesus, please use our family’s story to showcase Your glory and goodness. You are more than enough, Jesus. Align our hearts with Yours every single day. THANK YOU for every blessing — even in the pain. WE LOVE YOU, LORD!!!”
If you are going through your own private storm — if you feel like suffering has swallowed you whole — please reach out. Text me. Don’t carry it alone. Brett and I want to walk with you through the hurt and remind you that suffering does NOT get the final say. Not over your JOY, not over your HOPE, not over your PEACE.
We love you. Truly.
Sincerely,
Noél (A wife in immense pain who STILL proclaims God’s goodness every single day)
P.S. Make sure to read and share Brett’s farewell letter to Mr. Conrad. Our entire family is beyond grateful for this big brown-eyed dog. Tap his picture below to read the full letter.
