Prison Peanut Butter Party

-Prison Peanut Butter Party-

The Networker: “Peanut butter party tonight?”
Me: “Yep.”
Mr. Wolf: “7:30?”
Me: “Sounds good. We can hang in my cell.”
The Networker: “Awight.”
Mr. Wolf: “Awight.”
Me: “Awight.”

I’m not exactly sure when or how it happened, but each night before our 9pm stand-up count, the “Amigos” always have a “prison peanut butter party” together.

Before you start to think I’m living it up over here in federal prison, let me explain what our exclusive peanut butter parties REALLY look like.

Every one of the Amigos brings his assigned Bureau of Prisons plastic chair and sets it around the standard 2x2 gray, flimsy table located inside our prison cells.

One of us supplies the crackers, and the others pitch in with the peanut butter. None of us has much, so it takes a bit to scrape all of the “goodies” together.

Once all the Amigos are in the cell, with our prison chairs placed around the flimsy 2x2 table, we each take a turn grabbing a few saltine crackers along with one teeny-tiny swipe of peanut butter using a plastic butter knife.

After ALL of us have “loaded up” our saltine crackers with a slab of peanut butter, we give the “go” that it’s time to savor every salty bite. For the next five minutes, “The Amigos” will slowly enjoy a saltine-cracker peanut butter sandwich.

I guarantee you have NEVER seen grown men enjoy a peanut butter cracker as much as we do every night in federal prison. It's our savored treat we look forward to all day.

Oh, I almost forgot. Before our “prison peanut butter party” starts, we all vote on whether it’s going to be a “chunky” or “smooth” peanut butter night. This is serious stuff, man…

One of the cool things about prison… and trust me, that feels weird to even say…is that it has taught ALL of us to ENJOY the small and special moments in life. Every single one of us looks forward to our nightly peanut butter meetups. Honestly, all the Amigos need a place where we can safely talk about “life” with one another.

These peanut butter parties give us time to open up about our pain and shame. Living in prison is a constant reminder of your past mistakes. It chases you around all day like your own shadow. Prison is BRUTAL on all of us. It is built to extinguish hope and crush dreams. One of the hardest parts of each day is watching our fellow inmates choose a path that will inevitably lead to more pain and destruction. The culture of prison surrounds every one of us Amigos.

Getting the opportunity at our peanut butter parties to speak TRUTH back into each other’s lives is a true blessing. We desperately need to hear this TRUTH on a daily basis. Instead of demoralizing one another, we encourage the BIG dreams and visions of each person in our cell. Oh, and we also vent A LOT!!! All of us need a good healthy vent session every night. ;)

Look, us broken men are absolutely ashamed of the crimes we committed, but I honestly think we are some of the purest-hearted men you will ever meet on the planet. We KNOW we are broken and need Jesus daily in our lives. None of us pretend to be perfect. Our pain and shame are a part of our story, but they’re NOT our identity. Through the darkness of prison, “the Amigos” have found our true identity in Christ. We feel the love of Christ SO MUCH on a daily basis.

Our brokenness and shame are our superpowers. We feel the undeserved grace of Jesus ALL DAY, EVERY DAY! Being forgiven is NOT just a “nice” concept for us. We crave it's divine beauty every hour of our lives in prison.

Because of Jesus, prison loses its sting. Our peanut butter parties are simply an opportunity for the Holy Spirit to fill our cell and enter our hearts. All of us walk out of that cell after a successful peanut butter party with renewed strength and energy to take on whatever is coming our way in this strange prison world.

My favorite topic during our peanut butter parties is how all of us are dedicated to EARNING our way home to our loved ones. That concept means a lot to men like us.

I’m thankful for the pure-hearted men who have entered my life during this prison journey.

God is going to work over here one “prison peanut butter party” at a time.

Love all of you,
Brett (A proud peanut butter party participant)

P.S. Cambria, I’m following through on my promise to help “sad” dads reconnect with their families. I love you, my beautiful daughter.

---

– A Note From Noél –

Ok, I HATE being separated from my husband thousands of miles away surrounded by a barbed-wire fence. But the impact he is making inside the pit of prison is undeniable at this point. God is clearly using him to heal the hearts of men our society has deemed hopeless and irredeemable.

Brett uses his brokenness and shame to get down on the ground WITH these men and speak TRUTH back into their lives. He has this incredible God-given gift to meet people exactly where they are and make them feel seen and heard. In doing so, he brings the tangible LOVE of Jesus into the room—and now into the prison cell. He has been doing this for close to 20 years, going all the way back to his Young Life days.

Prior to Brett’s sentencing, he promised ALL of us that he would use his time in prison productively and prove worthy of our love and support. My husband is following through on EVERY bit of that promise.

Those who clung to the false story about his character, about who he is as a person are now being undeniably PROVEN WRONG, while the people who believed in his goodness—who stood by him and picked him up off the ground—are being powerfully PROVEN RIGHT.

God is now using Brett’s brokenness and shame as a conduit for grace and compassion. The once-insurmountable obstacle that blocked our family’s future has become THE WAY. This is how our God works. What was meant to harm us has been turned into a beautiful garden that produces life-changing fruit. Brett has become stronger BECAUSE of his brokenness.

He was the ONLY man in that federal courtroom who stood up and said, “I messed up. I'm sorry. I will do better. I promise. Please forgive me.” Not a single other person took an ounce of responsibility in a very complex situation.

Brett is NOT perfect and has messed up A LOT. He will be the first to tell you that. This man is harder on himself than anyone else could ever be. But his actions inside the darkness of federal prison are proof that he truly is a one-of-a-kind person—one I miss with every fiber of my being.

Recently, I decided to start adding a “Note From Noél” at the end of every letter Brett sends me from prison. Brett and I ALWAYS work as a team, and I want people to see that our marriage and family are THRIVING emotionally and spiritually—holding onto hope, staying united, and fighting for our future every single day.

But I also like to share the honest reality of this journey. Emotionally we are strong, but the hardships this has brought especially financially have been incredibly challenging. Like many families experiencing incarceration, we’re carrying a weight that’s hard to describe. Any support means more than you could ever know.

We wives are left to pick up the pieces of life while our husbands are trapped inside the pit of prison. My “Note From Noél” at the end of Brett’s letters will hopefully breathe HOPE into the hearts of other prison wives out there.

I’m honored to stand with these beautiful, strong women. I want to show other prison wives that their “shame” can become their SUPERPOWER.

Ladies, I’m with you all the way. Let’s stand tall together and bring our husbands home. God’s got us.

Oh—one last thing.

Please, please help me spread the SPEAK DOG message with the world. And if you don’t know what SPEAK DOG is, it’s the beautiful book Brett wrote to teach people how to truly understand their dogs by communicating in a way that dogs can naturally understand.

But this book is so much more than just another dog-training guide.
It’s a window into healing, communication, and second chances.

Yes, it teaches you how to step into your dog’s world…
but it also teaches you how to slow down, listen with intention, and lead with compassion—skills that change far more than your relationship with a pet.

SPEAK DOG is unlike anything else out there. It's inspiring, captivating, and filled with heart. This book holds the future Brett is fighting for, and is his big, beautiful heart poured out onto every single page.

Every day, he tells me how excited he is to come home and begin this new chapter as a dog trainer. He writes to me morning and night about “our bright future,” holding onto hope with that eternal optimism he’s always had. He believes in SPEAK DOG with his whole heart because it reflects the man he truly is—gentle, patient, compassionate, and committed to helping others heal.

I truly believe that the more we spread the SPEAK DOG message, the more people will recognize Brett’s true heart—and the sooner he will be back home where he belongs, in my arms.

A brand-new season of life is beginning for our family, and I am so deeply thankful for it.

And I am especially grateful for you—this beautiful, compassionate community that has held me up when I felt like I couldn’t stand on my own. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without your support.

Thank you for being there for me, and for Cambria, Willow, Lula, and Zion, in the darkest moment of our lives. You have carried us with your prayers, your kindness, your generosity, and your love.

I love you all so dearly, and I cannot wait to witness what God is about to do with all of this.

God is so, so, so good. His goodness shines brightest in our seasons of suffering.

Love & Blessings,
Noél (A Proud Prison Wife)